Log in

  Previous 50

  Powered by
time has only told me some...  
11:54pm 15/02/2016
it has been years since I have met with you
and you look rather nice
im afraid i wasn't expecting you here
and i'm not wearing anything nice

reading, seeing, reviewing all of you
i was so dark inside
rarely happy moments shown but i understand why
up and down, round and round
i went through all these moments
i've grown you see, and now i know that all of it was foolish

im 27 in one more month and it is plain to see,
that all of this was developement
and i feel rather set free

so hold back no more,
i am growing tough
but growing i do need more of
i'll check in soon, maybe use this more
because hell i missed this method.

    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
01:41am 23/11/2010
 now everything is seemingly unravelling
so everything, is dead from the sun 
for ever life, left without a trace behind
and you told me that night to hold you
you're knees were cold.
running home. running home.

go find another lover
to bring a-to strong along. 
before your lies,
you were so loveable

so many foreign roads 
forever gone. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
01:32am 23/11/2010
we dance around
spinning and spinning
and fall to the ground

see where i belong
caught between the doors

everything crashing down

bones never did erode

wings wouldn't help you,dance.

down to the ground.
gravity screams

barely eyes blinking
where can you face now

when it's just you all alone.

won't let you hear me

into the night. 
into the hour.
location: Guelph-Bedroom
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
Passion and Laughter  
12:55pm 21/11/2010

"This is what you shall do:
Be loyal to what you love,
Be true to the Earth,
And fight your enemies with passion and laughter"

-Edward Abbey

    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
dot dot dot.update.  
12:16am 20/11/2010
 Dinner and drinks tomorrow night for a good friends birthday. I'm excited, I enjoy her company.
Midterms are all finished and it feels really good.
Friday's are wonderful because I always have a night to myself (most times), take long showers, shave, clean up my place, do some laundry, play with ponyo, watch movies. just be happy and content.

but sometimes it can be lonely.  

Today was fine...it was kinda slow. Friday's are my busiest days and i don't get anytime to do homework it's just from one class to the next. I went to the mall to get Caitlin a card and then wandered to Chapters which I used to love doing. But I felt bored, and tired and the line at starbucks was too long. So i came home and made some dinner and watched Harry Potter.

Caitlin's card is super cute. Perhaps I will take a picture and post it to this. I think so. 

This isn't a very creative post. and i feel as though I'm just rambling on. and I'm wearing pajamas that are short and half of my legs are freezing.
and my nails are so weak lately they keep breaking and folding and what not..folding sounds gross when you think about it. but they are like when i type. I'll cut and paint them this week. Hopefully I gain some more iron in my diet or something to make them hard again. 

I think I'm going to finish some hmwk, watch a movie and go to bed. its late. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
and i fall short  
11:48pm 19/11/2010
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
(no subject)  
11:46pm 19/11/2010
 My heart is flawed

I know my weakness

so hold my hand
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
12:40pm 05/11/2010
 Harry Potter is honestly so good

I've been re-watching the movies in order lately and i just can't get enough

but it makes me seriously envious.

i wish so bad that i had magic and i was a wizard and i wish i went to Hogwarts.

You have no idea.

Other than school kicking my ass lately, midterm marks and dirty clothes constantly on my floor

i'd say life is alright.

I'm happy again.


    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
10:35am 30/10/2010
 I wanna tell you there's a really good reason
why I came home wasted in the middle of the night
a tiny kingdom at the bottom of the trees
where I was always a winner and I was usually right

oh, you can watch it when you get a bit older
but for now in the bad habits, I should cover your eyes
she painted pictures with the tips of her fingers
sewing buttons to Bambi, tying strings to a kite

turning into black and white
underneath the swinging lights
barely awake
but I still got my stripes
'cause you're the killer with the colored kite

I wanna tell you there's a really good reason
why I came down easy, spinning threads to a throne
a tiny kingdom at the bottom of the trees
where I was always a winner and I was barely alone

turning into black and white
underneath the swinging lights
barely awake
but I still got my stripes
'cause you're the killer with the colored kite

tangled up, tongue tied
tell me what to do
tangled up, tongue tied
tell me what to do

turning into black and white
underneath the swinging lights
barely awake
but I still got my stripes
'cause you're the killer with the colored kite

turning into black and white
music: toyko police club
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
09:59pm 12/10/2010

I just thought this was super cute. It reminds me of how i used to feel in a past lesbian relationship.

location: Guelph- bedroom
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
white blank page  
12:55am 29/09/2010

can you lie next to her
give her your heart.
as well as your body.

can you lie next to her,
confess your love
as well as your folly.

and can you kneel before the king
and say im clean

tell me now,
where was my fault
in love you with my whole heart

tell me now, 
where was my fault
in loving you with my whole heart

A white blank page
and a swelling rage
You did not think
when you sent me
to the brink, 

You desired my attention
but denied my affections

So tell me now,
where was my fault
In loving you
with my whole heart

Oh tell me now,
where was my fault
In loving you
with my whole heart

Lead me to the truth and I
will follow you
with my whole lie
Lead me to the truth and I
will follow you
with my whole lie


location: Guelph-Bedroom
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
02:05am 23/09/2010

 Although I would never want to live during this time
and the ideas were narrow minded and slanted. 
It was beautiful, and women were gorgeous. 

And their clothes were stunning

classic. camera and wonderful bathing suit. im so jealous.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
(no subject)  
12:22am 06/09/2010
well haven't i experienced things new and different lately.
its in a sense, refreshing. 

also. my heart is filled with such love sometimes. its so nice. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
life life life live?  
11:16pm 02/09/2010
 I haven't written in awhile. this makes me incredibly disappointed and sad.

Update on my little life;

1. went to get a pricing for my tattoo today. Pretty excited about it. Just gunna browse a bit more but I think I know where I'll be getting it done.
2. Back in Port for a few days..then back to Guelph for my official move in of the year. Supposed to be my last year. It's nice being home though. Everything is sooo clean and pretty. I can't wait to move into my own place, decorate my things my way.
3. booked some appointments for school and health
4. miss BC and the people.
5. september 17th is coming super fast, i'm so excited!
6. got my hair cut today..long layers and long bangs. I decided to keep the length this year. it's so sexy. long hair that is.
7. Found a new background for my mac. owls. surprising. i love it. 
8. wrote on LJ.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
please mom.  
11:11pm 09/08/2010
 I want.
love this.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
you and a few others.  
11:04pm 08/08/2010
this one time you wrote me a letter and inside your words were filled with love and beauty and you told me once and only once, that you loved me. 

I was young and insecure and sometimes confused.
and i never told you and i never responded
but you deserved that
and well, i'm sorry.
and sometimes.
i feel it too.
and sometimes it can be confusing and real and in a whirl.
but you are in my heart. with a few others. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
(no subject)  
11:11pm 31/07/2010
 oh darling,

you have a lot to learn.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
12:11pm 30/07/2010
 i hope you still love me and feel okay
that we talk and are open
even when we don't want to be okay with it.

i hope you still see me in your heart
as that kind, beautiful person
you once loved.
even when you think i can be horrible and hideous.

i hope you still love me and feel okay.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
11:12am 30/07/2010
 how do you make the right decisions
i feel like i constantly let others down
and i am selfish.
its always what i want to do
and how it will make me feel.

how do you make the right decisions
when you want to do or say something
but you care about the other person too much to do it
but you're selfish enough to consider doing what they don't want.

how do you make the right decisions
when to everyone else it seems so easy to make
but i could think it over and over and still feel like i'm thinking in circles.
I look for advice from others but no one ever can truly help because I always go back to how I think.
maybe how I think is all wrong and messed up.
and i am selfish.
location: FSJ
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
hello saturday night.  
09:27pm 24/07/2010
- - I stumbled upon this new website.
and i love it. and find that its simplicity is beautiful and different. 

I hope that someone will do this simple, sweet task for me occasionally.

or perhaps surprise me with little letters in hidden places

or write me songs

or beautiful poetry

or a simple "hello my darling beautiful"

or perhaps I could do this for someone one day.

- -Im drinking warm, delicious tea and it makes me happy.

- - I saw the movie Salt tonight. It. Was. Fabulous.

Angelina Jolie is stunning. her lips are so wonderful and i would love to kiss her. and hold her, because she just  (for some reason) seems to be so lovely, and feminine and I just bet she's cuddly and very loving to someone.

- - I continue to be confused with my sister. She treats me either a. like a child. b. with no respect. or c. like i am a complete idiot, who is always wrong and is loud and annoying...oh and can never do anything right (to her standards).
It is frustrating that every single time i talk, she doesn't listen. And that she always seems so pissed when I'm around. I try to make her laugh and I try to make her feel comfortable and want to do things with me but Continuously she turns my invitations down and just wants to be alone or just spend time with Euan. Then she makes my parents believe that I am the bad one, the bad sister who goes out (which I rarely do) and who doesn't spend a lot of time and comfort with her.
It's getting on my nerves because I am, 100% the only one trying to make this better. I'm always worrying how she is feeling and how my actions will effect her. I truly doubt she thinks about my feelings very often. Or at least not as often as I think of hers.

- - Again, Angelina Jolie is a beautiful woman. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
A Moment, A Minute and A Hour.  
11:15pm 11/07/2010
 Some days...

          well some days i have my bad days..
or i should say bad moments.

                or minutes
                                or hours. 
but that's okay.

i mean, i am only human.

i am just a girl. 
                  with insecurities 
    that you will love
          and despite anything i say
they will be your favourite.

i am just a girl.
     who sometimes stumbles
and gets confused
           but some how finds herself again.

yeah some days can be bad
     but some days can be so great.

they can be enthusiastic  

           and filled with people
and sometimes they aren't always friends
    or in the best mood
but they're people
               and it feels good to just be around people sometimes.

those good days
        are filled with smiles, and laughter

and positivity...

and good music. 
                  amazing, make you want to dance, cry, think, relax, sing loudly, music. 

Some days
       you'll find me staring in the mirror wishing I was someone else
wishing the flaws i see could easily be erased with an eraser

and some days you'll find me staring in the mirror wishing I didn't have to leave 
loving those little freckles that come out in the sun
         and the green eyes that flow well with the natural brunette hair 

i love those days. 

and although this evening i had a moment
               or minutes
                               and maybe even an hour
of feeling not my best

in the end, i realize.

someone, someday, will love everything.
         every imperfection i see
                 every freckle
                                     every curve and hair
and it makes me smile to sleep. 
location: FSJ-bed
music: Mumford & Sons
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
10:08pm 29/06/2010
 you took something that belonged to me.

i want it back. 
music: Bon Iver-Blindsided
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
(no subject)  
10:01pm 29/06/2010
 apparently i have no fucking privacy.
and where im supposed to be writing in my journal 
i can't.
because i have no privacy.

you've made me look crazy
you've made me look inappropriate
and wrong
and you've made me look like the bad guy.

it just isn't fair.
music: blink 182-adam's song
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
07:22pm 29/06/2010
 it makes me feel stupid around you

and i feel embarassed

and all of it is a lie

because you can't know the truth

and you don't know the truth.

you never will.

i wish i could crawl up and not talk to anyone

and not be around anyone

i feel like acid.

i make you want me and crave me and love me

but im horrible

and worthless

and not good enough for anyone. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
past the old bridge  
12:36am 28/06/2010
 past the old bridge

and around the dried up well

turn left when you see the cherry tree

and don't forget to slow for the hill

you're almost there now.

and you'll never be lost again.

the road is not paved

and the pebbles fly by

as the rush of the wind

tumbles and twists the lengths of your hair.

now i never said stop

continue down south

another turn left

and around the burnt barn 

no time for pictures

no time to rest

we're almost there.

just past the old bridge 

and a few turns and hills

we made it alright

we made it somehow.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
so have i.  
12:30am 28/06/2010
 you are not at all who I thought you were

and you have changed.

             or maybe i just didn't see it before.

I don't like what i see.
           or maybe i was blindsided with the idea of something new.

i'm glad i'm away from you

and im glad we don't talk as much.

you drove me insane.

and you're better off too. 

       i did what i could. and i think you've grown some. 

so have i. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
10:56pm 27/06/2010
Lauren you are everything I look for in a woman partner. too bad you're like a best friend and roomie. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
10:55pm 27/06/2010
 Sometimes I wish I was more involved with school.

meaning like groups.
preferably gay. I know I would meet lots of fun, pretty, fresh faces.
I would really like that.

Sometimes I feel awfully isolated in my group of friends.

meaning there isn't many other gay friends around me.
I wish I had more queer friends.

    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
10:15pm 27/06/2010
 I really do enjoy your taste in music.
Can you make me a few cd's before I leave.
It makes me remember the part of you I like.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
while running...  
09:56pm 24/06/2010
While running tonight I was chased by a red and black bird. 
As I walked to catch my breath with my music singing loudly in my ears
I realized a flying, and sparaticly squaking bird above my head
As I looked up and slightly behind me it swooped down multiple times.
This is when I began to run...again and I did not feel like running anymore.
The funny thing is it followed me for a good few minutes
I'm assuming until I was far enough away from its nest.
It was a scene from a movie...and I wish I had it on film.

This has never happened and I was terrified.
I don't know what I would do if I was being chased by something larger. 

Wonder what will happen next time while running...
location: Fort St. John
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
(no subject)  
01:51am 03/06/2010
im sorry i get so cranky sometimes.

i'll sleep deep again tonight.
and dream again.
it feels so amazing to dream.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
(no subject)  
01:07am 29/05/2010
I've lost that connection I had with you.
and you.

and when i talk to you it doesn't feel the same.
we lost whatever it was that we had.

and i feel tired. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
silence is golden.  
01:26am 27/05/2010
im a big girl
i can handle it
stop asking questions
and wondering how its going
and if im 'handling' it
i don't need a therapist to tell me what i already have heard a bunch of times
if i feel i need to go back, i will when i return home.
so please.
stop asking the same questions
and leave it alone.  
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
01:23am 27/05/2010
 fuck off. 
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
10:47pm 24/05/2010
it's good to be back

    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
moving in slow motion.  
12:46pm 09/05/2010
I need a change and although im not sure what exactly the change is. i know its needed.

im tired of this.

i feel like i have so much to say but nothing will come out. my many thoughts are just sitting there, i can feel them lurking in my mind but they don't feel like escaping today.

maybe i'll just watch movies all day. they seem to always help, take your mind into an imaginary world. i still want to see alice in wonderland again, in 3D preferably.

i need to pee.

1. you need to remember that because of what has happened somethings can't go back to how they were before. I'm sorry but things change.

2. you want to be committed in the summer but i'm not worth it. I have days when i think it's a good idea and worth it for yourself but i have days when i think there isn't much point.

3. I'm excited to hang out wit you again.

4. we don't talk often, it kinda feels good. I still find it hard to talk to you when we do.

5. i'm starting to feel tired of myself.
location: Port Perry
music: radio
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
may nineteenth.  
09:50pm 05/05/2010
May nineteenth is the day i fly out of Toronto and back to Fort St. John.
I love flying on planes.
I'm excited for summer smells, and taking pictures.
may nineteenth, begins im sure another eventful summer.

wish me luck.

also. i will get a tattoo soon. its driving me crazy. im craving a change and i can't wait to get one!
location: port perry-home
music: movie: watchmen
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
07:47pm 18/04/2010
I'm legit hating on the world right now
I want school to end
I don't want to do shit all
I want a dog so bad and I don't care what I have to pay for it
I don't want to study anymore
everyone on facebook is bothering me
and everyone can just fuck right off.

    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
08:59pm 17/04/2010
you didn't know i was so gangsta did ya...

word g-man.
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
Peanut Butter......and milk.  
12:07am 12/04/2010
 Tonight, I ate a spoon full of peanut butter
and it was (i swear) more smooth than ever before.
Now, I do believe that...
1. I haven't eaten peanut butter in a while
2. They have upgraded into a more fine peanut cruncher machine, obviously.
3. It's labelled "smooth"

Under these clearly important points its obviously that peanut butter is by far a good choice when hungry. I mean, who wouldn't enjoy a nice clump of smooth peanut butter melting on your tongue...yum.
Dinner just isn't delicious without some peanut butter involved, preferably served on a cold, clean spoon. 

Don't forget the Milk. 
location: Bedroom Guelph
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
it's as if i'm sitting in an empty cave  
12:02am 12/04/2010
 I feel myself sliding back into that familiar slump.
worst timing and possibly more uncomfortable
than the last.

on another note:
My stomach is turning into sharp seconds of pain
and i blame the mayonnaise.
expiry dates are not to be played around with.

i will be 100% shocked if i pass this stats class. Despite good efforts throughout this semester and studying, I have accepted that yet again I will have to take stats 2090. please, someone pass over the gun. 
location: Bedroom Guelph
    Leave a Comment - Share - Link
Error running style: S2TIMEOUT: Timeout: 4, URL: nbetweendreams1.livejournal.com/ at /home/lj/src/s2/S2.pm line 531.